Please drive with at least one hand on the wheel!

My girlfriend and I were on our way to the mall the other day, when we saw something unbelievable: The dude behind us was driving with NO hands! He was busy stuffing his face with a burger that he probably shouldn't be eating in the first place. When my girlfriend first pointed him out, the first thing that came to my mind was "Oh my god, I need to get away from this dude as fast as I can". And THEN I thought, "Oh wait, I should just let him rear end me and screw him over". While the latter is an obviously stupid (and illegal) move, one cannot deny that this idiot deserves just as much and more.

Of course, in truth, we all see people like this everyday. People eat, put on make up, text, read, and even watch movies and play video games while driving. And this is on the HIGHWAYS. So why am I so worked up about some jerk having a burger on a 25 mph road? You see, it's the principle that counts. Regardless of the degree of danger these reckless behaviors put themselves and other in, the bottom line is that they shouldn't be engaging in such behavior. We all know that such behaviors contribute to higher accident rates.

I see it as the same as smoking. Go ahead, do it as much as you want. Just don't bring me in to it. You wanna pack yourself with all kinds of toxins? Sure, why not? I poison myself with alchohol, and I have no problem with it either. Just make sure that puff you take doesn't get in my face. You wanna eat and drink and whatever in your car? Wanna slam head first in to a telephone pole? Sure, go ahead. Just make sure I'm not on the road when you're doing it. Now, when I say "I" in this case it means EVERY HUMAN BEING OTHER THAN YOURSELF. If you run a red light and slam in to the side of my car at 45 mph because you couldn't break in time since you were busy watching Desperate Housewives, and I hit my head on the window and die, what will you do? Say you're sorry?

Believe it or not, an automobile is a dangerous tool, and is classfied as a Deadly Weapon when used with intent. And since you are engaging in reckless behavior by taking your attention off the road, I'm pretty sure that equals reckless endangerment, which satisfies the requirement for intent. Conclusion? Everytime you take your hands off the wheel, everytime you put on foundation while driving at 50 mph, you are comitting something pretty close to attempted murder, because you are endagering the lives of EVERYBODY around you on the road at that point in time. So if you are one of those people who engage in these practices, I beg of you only one thing: Don't do it. If I see you do something like that, I might really just force you off the side of the road and put you under citizens arrest.



P.S. In reality, while citizens have the right to place perpetrators under citizens arrest, they don't actually have the same rights to the use of force as do police officers when apprehending criminals. So I can't actually force you off the side of the road with my car, because then I'll REALLY be charged with attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon. It's just a figure of speech. Just wanted you to know how serious I was.